Prodigal
by Naladot
Summary: Iroh can't love Zuko any less. S1&S2 oneshot.


**Disclaimer:** I don't own Avatar: The Last Airbender

**A/N:** Any dialogue you recognize from the show is thanks to avatarspirit .net's transcripts.

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**Prodigal**

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The metal ship creaks as it drifts in the still waters. The ship is old and shoddily made--no one was going to try to impress a banished prince with their craftsmanship--and Iroh can smell a storm in the air, a storm that he doesn't think the ship can survive.

"There is a storm coming. A big one," Iroh says, unsure if his nephew is listening, because his eye is stuck to that telescope again.

Zuko tells him he's crazy, that the weather's perfect. Iroh can see perfectly well that the weather is perfect, but he also has lived longer than Zuko and he knows that a storm is coming. He suggests altering their course, but Zuko is set on the Avatar and the Avatar alone, and won't change.

Iroh implores him to consider the safety of the crew, but Zuko can't see past his own hope to find the Avatar. He won't reconsider and doesn't change the order to head north, always north, always following the Avatar.

Iroh can see it in Zuko's eyes, the anger that shouts _If you really loved me, you wouldn't question me!_

But blindly following Zuko, no matter what he says, would so often go against what Iroh knows to be true, and that would be less love, not more.

They are docked in a small town, too far away from home to suit Zuko and too close to the Avatar to suit Iroh. He's meditating in his cabin, an ear out for Zuko if he starts yelling at one of the men--but Zuko's sulking in his own cabin, Iroh remembers. Iroh returns to his thoughts, to the things he's never told Zuko because his nephew would never understand or listen long enough to begin to understand.

Iroh knows that the Avatar was Zuko's grandfather, and that that heritage, as well as the other, darker one, was carried on in Zuko. He could see Zuko warring within himself all the time, and Iroh had long ago concluded that the blind focus on finding the Avatar was only Zuko's method of ignoring the other things in his life, like his own father banishing him.

Iroh also knows that if it came down to it, he'd have to side with the Avatar. He just hopes it will never come to that.

Iroh gets up and walks to Zuko's cabin. The banished prince is sitting in the near dark, manipulating the candles in front of him. There is order in this world of Zuko's, and one objective.

Even though he knows it won't work, he tries breaking through. "Zuko, why don't we take a little vacation? I think you could use a nice trip to one of the spas in town." he claps his hands together in anticipation.

Zuko is up in a flash. "How can you even suggest that, Uncle? We had a sighting of the Avatar yesterday! We're so close," he turns away from his uncle, the anticipation evident on his face, "and you want to go to a spa!"

Iroh hears it in his nephew's voice, the unspoken _If you really loved me, you'd want what I want, and that's getting the Avatar and going home!_

What Iroh can't say, because it's never the right time and Zuko never _listens_, is that if Zuko is desiring the wrong things and Iroh never objects, then that would be loving his nephew less, not more.

Iroh figures out that Zuko's the Blue Spirit only a few days after he takes on the disguise, moving like a wraith among soldiers to try to grasp his last hope for going home. The Dragon of the West doesn't say anything, because he knows his nephew well enough to avoid explosions--emotional and literal.

But he isn't really happy with the measures Zuko will take to capture the Avatar, isn't really happy that Zuko's willing to lose his identity to gain what he thinks he needs. So he makes subtle suggestions, a comment here and there.

"Zuko, perhaps you should be kinder to the men."

"Why don't you take a break from hunting the Avatar?"

"Zuko, try to restrain your anger, it's unnecessary."

The breaking point for Zuko is when Iroh asks him, in the privacy of the prince's cabin, "Would going home really satisfy all your desires, Zuko?"

He really should have seen the fit of rage before it happened. "Of course it would! What kind of question is that? The Avatar is my last hope for going home, Uncle, and going home. . . going home. . . " he struggles, throwing his hands in the air, "going home is my _only_ desire! You know what I hate?" Zuko changes the subject abruptly.

Iroh looks at the floor.

"I hate how you're always nitpicking at what I do! 'You're not ready for that form, Zuko.' 'You're too angry, Zuko.' 'That probably wasn't a good decision, Zuko.' As if you're the only authority in the world! Just leave me alone!"

Iroh doesn't say anything, and neither does his nephew, but the words _If you really loved me, you'd stop trying to change me!_ hang in the air.

The words catch in Iroh's throat, because it isn't the right time, it's never the right time. He wants to tell Zuko that leaving him as he was would mean leaving him on a path of self destruction, and that would mean less love, not more. But he can't say it.

They're at sea again, very hot on the trail of the Avatar, and Zuko is shouting orders. Iroh's used to it and is quietly sipping tea, even though Zuko is shouting at him to stop sitting there like some old man and be useful. Lieutenant Jee is livid, staring at Zuko with contempt, the words "Don't talk to your uncle like that!" on his tongue, but Iroh silences him with a glance.

Zuko never sees how humbling it must be for the Dragon of the West to let a teenage boy rant and yell orders at him. But Iroh lets him because he knows no one else is listening to the boy anymore.

The world turns itself upside down too soon for Zuko, and they find themselves drifting alone in a vast, cold ocean. Iroh is hungry, very hungry and very thirsty, but neither of them say anything because they know it won't alleviate the pain.

Iroh is surprised when Zuko brings up the North Pole.

"I can't believe we were defeated," he says, but his fury is only half there and his eyes are only half aflame. Iroh is inclined to blame this on the fact that his nephew is starving, but inclined to hope that maybe his nephew is changing.

"Perhaps it was for the best," Iroh says, thankful that on a piece of driftwood Zuko is at least sensible enough not to get angry enough to light his hands on fire. But he's surprised when Zuko doesn't get angry at all.

"The best would have been if I had captured the Avatar," he says dejectedly.

"I'm not so sure," Iroh says slowly. His nephew looks up at him, for a long moment, before looking back out at the horizon, his posture defiant.

Iroh can hear the words in the air, his nephew yelling _If you really loved me, you'd stop telling me how wrong I am and take my side!_

And in his head Iroh replies _just because I love you, doesn't make you right_. But his nephew isn't listening and Iroh isn't speaking. The ocean is vast and cold and silent and he fears the journey will never end.

Then it does. They are on a glorious island and Iroh is at peace, but Zuko is unhappy. Iroh is used to it by now.

And then, as if to shatter all that Iroh has been trying to build up in his nephew, Azula shows up with a fantastic story about plots and problems and Ozai wanting his son back. Iroh doesn't believe it, and it breaks his heart to see that Zuko so desperately does.

"We're going home. After three long years. It's unbelievable." Zuko says as he's packing, sounding so happy and so innocent.

Iroh can't help but speak his mind. "It is unbelievable. I've never known my brother to regret anything." Ozai never did things he didn't want to do, and if he did make a mistake. . . well, he didn't make mistakes. Azula took after her father enough for Iroh to give up hope on her. But Zuko took after his mother and her side of the family, and thus Avatar Roku, and so Iroh knew that somewhere deep inside of him Zuko had a moral compass that his father and sister lacked.

And, on top of that, Zuko was in so many ways his son.

"Did you listen to Azula? Father's realized how important family is to him. He cares about me."

"I care about you!" Iroh is begging Zuko to listen to him, for once. "And if Ozai wants you back? Well, I think it may not be for the reasons you imagine."

Zuko glares at him, the anger that always brews under the surface threatening to bubble up. He turns his back on Iroh, saying defiantly, "You don't know how my father feels about me. You don't know anything."

Iroh can hear the accusation under his words, he can hear the boy shouting _If you really loved me, you wouldn't say those things about my father!_

What Iroh wants to tell him and can't seem to find the words for is that telling Zuko lies would mean less love, not more.

They run. Azula is exactly the girl she's always been and Ozai hasn't changed either. If only Zuko would _listen_ to him, maybe he'd be able to think these things through. . .

Iroh watches as Zuko's hair grows up prickly on his head and as his nephew tries to do all the things princes never have to learn, like fishing.

And Iroh realizes as his nephew steals a kind girl's ostrich horse that Zuko still hasn't learned anything from his uncle. He can't see beyond himself at all.

"Zuko," he says one night as they're lying under the stars, "maybe finding the Avatar and going home wouldn't be all you hope it will be."

Zuko doesn't reply for a long, long time, and Iroh can hardly hear him when he does. "It will be better than this." he says into the night.

Iroh knows that the ground is hard and that they're still hungry, but at least they're together. But he also knows his suggestion hurt, and he can hear Zuko crying out _If you really loved me, you'd want me to be happy!_

As Iroh falls asleep, he muses that Zuko doesn't know what happiness really means or that the path he's on will never lead to real happiness. Letting Zuko go his own way would mean loving him less, not more.

And then one day, Zuko is on the brink of despair and Iroh is trying so, so hard to save his nephew from himself. Zuko comes back after a long time.

"I thought a lot about what you said," he says, and Iroh misinterprets his tone. "We no longer have anything to gain by traveling together. I need to find my own way."

Iroh cries out, because he can't, can't, can't let Zuko just walk off like that. He knows Zuko, he knows the twisted paths his mind takes and knows that one day Zuko will scream at him _If you really loved me, you wouldn't have abandoned me!_

Or maybe, just maybe, he's wrong. Iroh feels abandoned himself, left out in the cold while the man he thinks of as his son wanders around the recesses of his own dark, lost mind while also wandering the so often cruel world.

Iroh will never abandon Zuko, but as he settles back down for a night of no sleep, he knows that the boy has abandoned him. But he also knows that sometimes the only thing left to do is let go, pray that he listened and hope that someday he remembers and comes back.

Iroh is prepared to wait a long time, because he can never love Zuko any less, no matter what the prince does.

The next morning Iroh gets up and follows Zuko.


End file.
